have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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