Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
whose parrot is this?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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