Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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