Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
