Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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