dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I supernannyed him into submission
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
