So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize