is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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