I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
