I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
