Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
