so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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