what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
