just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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