We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
