He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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