You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize