I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
