Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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