There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
