I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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