At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's just like the Real World with babies
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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