we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
