I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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