The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
what day is it and did you see me today?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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