I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
