He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
