She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
