she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
why do cheetos always look like penises
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
