Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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