My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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