I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
