that's an acceptable place to lick
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
