Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
