life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
