She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
