i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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