I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
