Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
