Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
