You can't motorboat a personality
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
