Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
