oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
