you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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