I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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