Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
