A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize