i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
