3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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