My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
