Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
