if you like me you must not know who I am
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
