yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
another moral hangover. fuck.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
