I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
