so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
