We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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