So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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