he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
