After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize