i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
