just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just invented taco cereal.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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