i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
