dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
