so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
