the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
