I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
