one two three fourrrrnication!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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