i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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