This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
