wakey wakey hands off snakey
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
