It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
