He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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