Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize