does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
