I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
