So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
