I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
