I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
