Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
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