Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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