Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
