My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
