Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
