it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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