I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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