When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
