and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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