i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
