The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
