I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
